So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I think i got beer on your cat.
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