I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just found puke in my bra..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
