Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
