I feel like abortions should bother me more
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
