Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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