She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
