The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
