Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We had sex on a dog bed..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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