Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
