Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
