he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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