I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
