We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
