I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My vagina just recognized that song.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
