I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize