after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
