The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
