I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize