Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
