i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
