I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
