3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well I just put wine in my tea
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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