if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
