textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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