Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
