ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
