we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just tell him i said nine months
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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