i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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