this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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