I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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