I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
