I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
