I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
