i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
