my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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