you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is classic penis vs brain.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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