hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
