So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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