if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Everything about him screamed your future.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
