If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
