I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
