wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize