I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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