I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize