Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
