WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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