Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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