He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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