Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
