i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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