I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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