if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
