I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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