and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
did i just pee glitter
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
