im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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