Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
