why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
