I skipped work to stalk him.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize