i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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