her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
