We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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