I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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