I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
