Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
