I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
