I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
