the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize