plz talk dirty to me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
