I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
