Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
