hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
