Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
