did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
