i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
