you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
