Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize