im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
