I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize